Twitter Makes Me Angry

Twitter....essentially the next big social networking site, it works on a very simple principal of "tweeting" what’s happening in your mostly uninteresting life within a limit of 140 characters. However twitter brings with it a wonderful role-play element in which you can enter the world of stalking. You can “follow” your favourite real life celebrity’s as they tweet about the new platinum watch they just bought or how tough life is because they didn’t have time to buy the brand new Versace dress they wanted….Well boo fucking hoo.

I would like to just say that not everyone is on twitter and to my friends and family who may read this none of the below or above is anything to do with any of you and it is merely an observation of the other people who follow me and whom I follow on Twitter, think of this paragraph as a disclaimer if you will.

Now admittedly I was on twitter, I fell for the hype. The promise of a simple interface and interesting people was two much to ignore and there is a rather pretty blue bird in the corner of the page. On which note I must add that when there is a page error there are some rather interesting graphics. One to mention is the confused looking whale being carried off by several of these twitter birds. The confused expression brings to mind the falling whale caused by the transformation of two thermal nuclear missiles by the un-probability drive in Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, but I think this whale has had a little more time to come to terms with its existence.

Now I know many of you out there would be on Twitter and generally it isn’t that bad, However when I really get into my stalkers or “followers” seemed to be robots telling me that there were several causes of premature ejaculation and that they could sort out that as well as give me a penis enlargement for no extra cost, Now the robots are bad enough but it gets worse. Crawling around in the dark depths on the interweb are people ready to pray on the sense of childlike wonder which today youth possess by boring the fucking shit out of them with the most meaningless drool you’ve ever read.

For instance upon signing into Twitter there is a home screen in which you can view the top 50ish updates from the people you’re following. Now some of these people start out like normal human beings just like you and I. Then Twitter madness gets them, they inject the addiction straight into their eyeballs until they just cant stop, they’re “tweeting” at home to start with just a few updates telling the world how they made the most funny un-sexist & un-racial joke by the water cooler today at the office,

Which nine times out of ten isn’t funny and is essentially a joke they stole off their faeces throwing “potty trained” five year old son the previous evening.

Then it progresses and they start tweeting at work, about how the boss is so stupid that he didn’t even realise he was tweeting from his office cubicle, which is usually split into two tweets as the idiot cant count and doesn’t realise slurring the boss cant take more than the 140 character limit that one single tweet has. As the addiction rises you find Twitter apps on your mobile and or iPod or gaming device, and slowly you find yourself tweeting from everywhere and anywhere. Looking back it seems twitter its self has become a tool to find those who are slightly un-hinged.

Anyhow back on the subject the most annoying thing about these people is that they seems to tweet rather than think, for example “Just sat at work bored, thinking I need to go for a wee Via Web 12 mins ago”, “Just left my desk heading to the toilet, I wonder if they have a copy of zoo in there Via Tweet Deck for iPhone 11 mins ago”, “I decided I was going to treat myself by sitting down Via Tweet Deck for iPhone 10 mins ago” “Oops that wasn’t wee that just fell out my bum :P Via Tweet Deck for iPhone 9 mins ago”

Yes I know that is toilet humour thrown into a rant but the above is my real annoyance with Twitter. Sorry to rumble on just wanted to give you an idea of what you should expect from this blog, Could I just extend my personal welcome to you all, Peace Home slices.

Cheers,

Hallam

Co-founder of The Hallam & Simon Collaboration