Well, what can I say about Marlborough it’s a quaint little town with many interesting in habitants. Now for those of you who aren't local and read this blog Marlborough is home to Marlborough college, one of the best school in the country, so say, But I would suggest its a little bit shit as they do have to be in bed by 10pm, but hey what's an early night, when you can spend the rest of your life thinking you're better than everyone else and saying things like “Well Daddy owns half of Yorkshire”, “I’m so hard done by, I've just bought a brand new Ferrari and then they went and released the same model in Hot Pink a day later” and as for the girls, well they aren't much different.
Now on the subject on posh schools for some reason I have always resented them, now I know that even with a £50,000 per day educational facility I'm still going to be thick as shit and I also don't cope well with authority, which is kind of a problem in those sorts of places because even though you pay through the arsehole to afford these schools, you still don't get any freedom, This is why one of my personal heroes is a young man called Max, this kid is a legend among mortal man. There were rumors of a boy who actually tried to set fire to a science lab at one of these posh schools in Wiltshire and I remember thinking how cool that was, then I had the pleasure of meeting him quite by accident, he was dressed as a communist. Anyway, I digress the point is that no, my Mother couldn't afford the top notch superiority complex that is sometimes developed by many of these, upper class snobs, but I did what I could with my education and I achieved my best so I cant say anything more.
Now back to Marlborough like I said its home to toff and its home to other people...i.e. Chavs.
I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW, both Simon and I are all to aware of the fact that ripping it out of chavs online is overdone and over rated, but we're better than most and we still find it funny so TOUGH FUCKING LUCK. I was sat at the bus top and I glance up from my phone and what do I see, a chav, burberry cap, Cilit Bang white trainers, grey trackies, the most god awful hoody, some Cubic Zircona earrings, which he bought off this “geezer” which imports “proper diamonds” and a newspaper. Hold up what was that last one, a newspaper? Yes that's right, I Hallam James Britten of Wiltshire had discovered a piece of history so significant, so mind-blowing that I couldn't comprehend, the evolutionary link between man and chav and he was sat just metres away READING, It was amazing. Now, I went over to the creature cautiously for who knows what temperament they have the typical chav demeanor or perhaps a more human like niceness about them. Oh how could I have been so wrong. As I approached I saw them staring out the page at me, like two huge balloons with one small eye on each. I looked at the corner of the page and nearly broke into tears, a discovery this significant, this important, but it wasn't to be I glanced at the corner again “Page 3”. It was over the chav was staring at tits of page 3 of The Sun. Such a fool I felt. Another interesting moment with a chav, was a chav wearing an all white tracksuit sporting a rather ferocious looking Chihuahua, by the way I was kidding, it was the most un-ferocious looking dog you've ever seen.
However that's enough of chav's, sends a shiver down my spine thinking of them. Here are some rather interesting observations around Marlborough. Take Boots for example, just an ordinary Boots, however when buying condoms there I don't have much faith because right below the condoms are pregnancy tests, which are on special, buy one get one free, its like condoms here....but they aren't that good so have a pregnancy test too...oh and occasionally they don't work so have another one on us. Seriously WTFBBQROFLCOPTER?! (Stolen from Legend).
Anyways cheers for watching the rants.
See you soon,
Hallam
Now on the subject on posh schools for some reason I have always resented them, now I know that even with a £50,000 per day educational facility I'm still going to be thick as shit and I also don't cope well with authority, which is kind of a problem in those sorts of places because even though you pay through the arsehole to afford these schools, you still don't get any freedom, This is why one of my personal heroes is a young man called Max, this kid is a legend among mortal man. There were rumors of a boy who actually tried to set fire to a science lab at one of these posh schools in Wiltshire and I remember thinking how cool that was, then I had the pleasure of meeting him quite by accident, he was dressed as a communist. Anyway, I digress the point is that no, my Mother couldn't afford the top notch superiority complex that is sometimes developed by many of these, upper class snobs, but I did what I could with my education and I achieved my best so I cant say anything more.
Now back to Marlborough like I said its home to toff and its home to other people...i.e. Chavs.
I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW, both Simon and I are all to aware of the fact that ripping it out of chavs online is overdone and over rated, but we're better than most and we still find it funny so TOUGH FUCKING LUCK. I was sat at the bus top and I glance up from my phone and what do I see, a chav, burberry cap, Cilit Bang white trainers, grey trackies, the most god awful hoody, some Cubic Zircona earrings, which he bought off this “geezer” which imports “proper diamonds” and a newspaper. Hold up what was that last one, a newspaper? Yes that's right, I Hallam James Britten of Wiltshire had discovered a piece of history so significant, so mind-blowing that I couldn't comprehend, the evolutionary link between man and chav and he was sat just metres away READING, It was amazing. Now, I went over to the creature cautiously for who knows what temperament they have the typical chav demeanor or perhaps a more human like niceness about them. Oh how could I have been so wrong. As I approached I saw them staring out the page at me, like two huge balloons with one small eye on each. I looked at the corner of the page and nearly broke into tears, a discovery this significant, this important, but it wasn't to be I glanced at the corner again “Page 3”. It was over the chav was staring at tits of page 3 of The Sun. Such a fool I felt. Another interesting moment with a chav, was a chav wearing an all white tracksuit sporting a rather ferocious looking Chihuahua, by the way I was kidding, it was the most un-ferocious looking dog you've ever seen.
However that's enough of chav's, sends a shiver down my spine thinking of them. Here are some rather interesting observations around Marlborough. Take Boots for example, just an ordinary Boots, however when buying condoms there I don't have much faith because right below the condoms are pregnancy tests, which are on special, buy one get one free, its like condoms here....but they aren't that good so have a pregnancy test too...oh and occasionally they don't work so have another one on us. Seriously WTFBBQROFLCOPTER?! (Stolen from Legend).
Anyways cheers for watching the rants.
See you soon,
Hallam
No comments:
Post a Comment